Thoughts 10 days after surgery

I'm finally able to get up and down with reasonable ease. By up and down, I mean standing/sitting in a chair/the bed/the toilet. I still cannot bend forward hardly at all, so don't ask me to pick up something off the floor. I have to do a deep squat, and unless I have something really sturdy to hold on to, it's pretty painful.

I can also lean back against a pillow and sit in the car for a bit - putting pressure on the incision.

For about 8 weeks pre-surgery, I was taking an antidepressant that had a side effect of helping with nerve pain. For me, it was to reduce the pain with a side effect of mood-boosting. I weaned off those and am now totally drug-free. It's so nice to be able to leave the house without carrying a mini pharmacy in my purse.

I am sort of freaking out the past two days because my right leg has been having these weird sensations. They are not painful, but just sort of tingling/numbing type feelings. The first night this happened, I didn't sleep thinking that my disk has re-bulged already and OMG I cannot go through this again. My family cannot go through this again. I just want to be able to play with my son and be a real parent instead of a half parent who has hardly ever been left alone with her child because she can't pick him up.

I've been reading online that some people have this sort of thing after surgery, or even have phantom pains as the nerves heal. I've also heard that it could just be in my head - the pain doctor told me about a condition where people are in pain for so long that they convince themselves that they are still in pain. I'm really hoping this is just the nerves healing.

As a side note - the bruise on my hand from the IV I had overnight after surgery is still purple and green. Yuck.


What it feels like to need a diskectomy

I want to tell this story in chronological order, but let's back up a bit, shall we? Every time I visit my neurosurgeon's office, they ask me to fill out a "pain scale" document, rating how hard it is to do a list of normal things (like bathing, doing household chores, having a social life, etc) and they always ask if I've had any issues with my bowel or bladder function.

The last post I wrote was Thursday night. I actually worked from home that day after going home from work in so much pain Wednesday that I couldn't even walk across the street to the pharmacy to get more pain meds that my neurosurg called in. The hubs drove to my office Thursday, picked up my laptop so I could work and the pain meds. I probably took 10-12 pills that day. I was averaging about 3-5 for many weeks prior.

Friday morning, I could barely move the pain was so intense. If I tried to stand up, the pain shot down my legs and crumpled me to the ground. Even crawling, my go-to if the pain was bad, was pretty awful. I remember that I did go to the bathroom and made it to the couch somehow. I was attempting to work from my phone, but not doing much. About 10:30, I felt the need to pee, so I crawled to the toilet but could not get anything to come. It was unbelievable pain to sit there, so I thought maybe it was just too painful to pee. I laid down and petted the dog for a bit before trying again. Nothing.

Call the neurosurgeon's office, bawling. Attempt to tell the story.

Not 10 seconds later, the guy calls me back himself. Usually it's his nurse. He says I know this isn't our plan, but I need you to get to the hospital right away. We are going to operate today.

(I found out later that he was actually supposed to leave town, and stayed for me. He even came to see me the next morning to see how I was doing. Talk about patient care. I also found out that if surgery is performed within 24 hours, the bowel/bladder function can usually return to normal.)

The hubs carried me to the car after taking our child to the neighbor. Thank the lord she was home and able to take him! We get there around noon and I have surgery at 2pm. I don't really remember much of that day, but I'm so glad it's over.

The next morning when they took out my catheter, I peed on my own! I was so nervous that I'd have to use a bag, even if temporarily.

I had pain-free legs the night after surgery. The hardest part was learning to stand on them again. It was the strangest sensation to stand up and NOT feel pain. Walking needs improvement too. I'm still leaning a little crooked from doing it for so long. 

I'm happy to say that today (four days later), I only took half of a pain pill, and that was to ride in the car. I will be so glad to never see those things again. 

My scar is a little bigger than it was last time, maybe three inches instead of just one, but I'd do it all again. I'm still really sore back there, and stiff when I first stand up. I can't bend forward or do anything that involves using back muscles. Imagine when you brush your teeth and you lean forward to spit - yeah, I can't do that just yet. I know this will get better as time passes so it doesn't bother me. My biggest issue now is the constipation, but I can save that for a post all it's own. ;)

On the bright side, I'm getting a nice long Christmas break with my boys out of the deal.


Surgery Number Two

In just a few days, I will go under the knife for the second time in my 32 years. I wish I could say I didn't need surgery, but why would someone have surgery if they didn't need it? Oh yeah, they want to look good. At this point in my life, I just want to be normal again and I don't really care if I look good or not.

If you are new here or don't remember the story, read a few of these posts to see why I had surgery the first time and the experience:
9.3.12 The most pain since birth
9.6.12 Surgery set for Monday
9.13.12 Home on drugs
10.22.12 6 weeks post op

The important point is that starting less than six weeks after my first surgery, I was having pain again because the disk that was shaved off had returned to push on my sciatic nerves again. The pain has been on and off for the last year, but in September 2013, I was feeling really good. I hadn't had pain for several weeks and was dedicated to my PT program. I decided to take it to the next level and go for a short run. At that point, I was walking at least 2 miles every night pushing the stroller, so I just jogged for a bit on our walk.

While I was running, I felt my right leg go numb. I know that's bad, so I stopped running immediately but continued our walk. I was slightly stiff, but I didn't have any pain that night. The next morning I woke up with a little pain down my leg. The day after, it hurt a little bit more.

Fast forward three months, and the pain is still increasing daily. I've tried all sorts of things to not have surgery, all the while dealing with this pain. I started seeing a pain management physician, had two steroid injections and have been on all sorts of drugs to try to reduce the pain. One drug did work for about a week, but then my body got used to the drug and the pain came back in full force.

Surgery is scheduled for Tuesday and in my current state, I cannot get out of the bed for more than a few minutes without a ton of pain - and that's WITH the pain medications. Needless to say, I'm really looking forward to Tuesday morning. I've told my husband that I vow to live differently after surgery. For the last two years I have not hardly lifted weights and I think that is a major reason why my back didn't heal correctly the first time. I didn't have the core muscles to support my spine - and I still don't. I'm going to start PT as soon as my physician will allow it and having gone though PT so much this last year, I know a bunch of exercises to do that don't involve a lot of movement.


Big News!

Hi to the two people who still read this! I have an announcement!

This morning I weighed 199.0 lbs!! Hooray! I haven't been under 200 since the weekend we went to Dallas to visit my friend Denise in May 2011. We came home from that trip and found out I was pregnant, and then it was all "uphill" from there.

I'm definitely in terrible shape and have zero muscles, but as soon as my back allows me to stand without pain, I'm on the muscle train.


Pumpkin Muffins

I don't just love pumpkin, I looooove all things pumpkin. I don't like cold or even cool temps outside, but I'll permit cool temperatures if that means I can incorporate pumpkin into my diet as much as possible. I've been trying to do more of our shopping at Aldi's to save dollar bills, and as soon as I saw canned pumpkin, I stocked up. I seriously bought 12 cans. I don't think we have 12 cans of anything else in our tiny pantry. That weekend, I made pumpkin oatmeal and these pumpkin muffins.

I loved them, as did my son. I made 18 muffins - and froze half of them. I tweaked the recipe as follows:


  • 11/2 cups all-purpose flour (I used 1 cup)
  • 2 cups whole wheat flour (I used 2.5 cups)
  • 2/3 cup rolled oat
  • 1/2 cup oat bran
  • 4 tsps baking powder
  • 2 tsps baking soda
  • 1/2 tsp salt
  • 4 tsps cinnamon
  • 2 tsps ground ginger (omitted)
  • 1 tsp nutmeg
  • mashed bananas (ripe)
  • 1 cup applesauce
  • 15 ozs canned pumpkin
  • eggs (lightly beaten) (I used 3)
  • 1 cup granulated sugar (I used .5)
  • 1 cup brown sugar (packed(I used .5)
  • 1 cup chopped walnuts (omitted)


Long time, no see

Well that was quite a hiatus. I didn't really plan on taking a huge break from blogging, and to be honest, I will probably continue to be sporadic. I rarely get on a computer at home anymore. I'm on my phone non-stop, but typing blog posts is just not a priority lately.

What's been going on? Well, the boy is 19 months old. He's trying to talk, learning new words every day. Of course, we are the only ones who can semi-interpret what he's saying. He can say momma, dadda, duck, dog, diaper, night night pretty consistently. He will say lots of other words as he's repeating them, but those are the ones he says unprompted.

He is just now starting to watch any amount of television for more than 5 seconds. He likes Mickey Mouse Club and Jake and the Neverland Pirates. My husband is trying to teach him "yo ho ho."

He eats whatever he wants, for the most part. I would tell you what he likes/doesn't like but it changes day to day. He will always eat a graham cracker and yogurt. Most fruits and veggies, but he goes in spurts of loving different ones. Some nights he will eat chicken or fish, others he won't touch it and gives it all to the dog.

How's momma? On the weight front, I'm down about 15lbs since January. Yesterday I weighed 204. I've been using MyFitnessPal app on my phone and logging my calories. I was doing it religiously for a while, but slacked in late July/August. I'm getting back on track now. I was dropping a pound a week until I quit tracking. I haven't gained but I really need to stay on target. I also really need to build some muscle. I'm so weak and my back is continuing to hurt because of it.

So, I've been trying to do some pilates, push-ups, air squats and lots of core work every night while we play on the floor after dinner. I do different things each night to mix it up, but always core as part of my PT for my back.

I'm switching roles at work - a completely lateral move - to do something slightly different. This is exciting and I'm glad for the opportunity to learn, but I'm really hoping to grow my career into the next step of managing people and earning more money. I get paid enough for a double income family, but since we are living off one income, I feel the need to bring home more bacon.

What has been going on with you? I really have not been reading blogs since Google turned off reader. I signed up for feedly but it's not the same, and I just haven't cared that much about my blogs as much as I used to.


14 months

I can't believe he's 14 months old!! I will probably say that every month from now on. We had a great Easter weekend visiting friends and family but I'm glad to be home. Every time we travel, we usually end up letting him sleep in bed with us at some point. Mostly we do that to refrain from waking up the rest of the house with his cries. The negative repercussions of doing that happen when we get back home - we have to re-sleep-train the first few nights back. I hate it.

A few updates about the boy:

  • he has 6.5 teeth in and he's working on a few more that are very close. 
  • he is just now getting the concept of chewing food and is interested in putting the spoon into food and then into is his mouth. Most of the time, he just swallows things whole though so we are still tearing or cutting up food into bite-size pieces. 
  • he had his first sip of soda the other day on accident - luckily it was just sprite that my dad left within the boy's reach.
  • he weighs 29 lbs, but I'm not sure how tall he is. He likes to weigh himself on our scale, so we have a pretty good sense of his weight. ;)
  • he is in mostly 18-month clothes still but his PJs are getting pretty tight. he's wearing size 5 extra wide shoe. (the pink shirt is 2T)
  • he is a busy body. I'm not sure if all babies are this way, but I'm guessing they are. He is just non-stop busy. Most of the time I love it, but it's exhausting in a non-baby-proofed house. We went to visit friends with a son two weeks older than our boy this weekend. It was awesome because they had tons of toys and a blocked of area that we can pretty much let them do what they want. We found out that a tunnel is a pretty sweet toy and we might need to keep our eyes out for one.


Crossfit, say what?

A few weeks ago, the hubs encouraged me to do a crossfit workout of the day, or WOD. I was doing squats and that particular workout was focused on the legs. The workout was 3 rounds of:
-run .125 mile
-100 walking lunges
-50 squats

OMG I have never been so sore in my life. It only took me about 33 minutes to do that workout, but it was intensely difficult for someone who is just getting back into working out regularly after almost 1.5 years.

I've been doing the WOD for a few weeks now since then. I can do most workouts at home with the equipment we have, but things like climbing a rope or doing 5000 meters on a row machine are not really possible. I'm still weighing in about the same - last week was 218, this week 215, but my pants are feeling just the slightest bit looser - and that's what I really care about. I am only wearing about a quarter of my closet right now. And I hate it. It will be so awesome to be comfortable in my own clothes again.


Catching up

I think life is moving faster exponentially since the birth of our baby. How is that even possible? It seems like we just celebrated his birthday party. I realized today that I have not taken a picture of the child since his birthday party, which was the first week of February. I have taken a few videos on my phone, but I don't really count those. I need to get back in the habit of taking monthly photos to document his life. He's changing so quickly these days.

That reminds me that I wanted to do a yearbook for each year of his life. Of course I want to remember him growing up, but I also want to do it for the hubs and me to have as memories. I started making books of trips or big events after I made one for our wedding and it was so easy! I used and loved it, but I might switch to after reading some reviews online.

The other night the hubs says "I have a hankerin for some ice cream or a frosty." My response was that I have a hankerin to fit in my pants again.

Two weeks ago I weighed in at 218, last week was 215.6. I weigh in again tomorrow. I really only get on the scale once a week and the hubs tends to do it less than me. However, the child has apparently seen one of us do it enough that he is now running to the scale every time he gets in our bathroom (we keep our door shut most of the time). He knows how to tap it, then step on it. He weighed 28.2 lbs last week (at 13 months) if you are interested. ;)


13 months

My my, time flies. We've had a rough week this week with our first real cold. He had a sniffle back when he was 2 or 3 months old, but nothing since then. Last night he woke up around 11:15 - I was still kinda awake, so I waited to see if he would fall back asleep on his own. He usually screams for less than three minutes and goes back to sleep. He did go back to sleep that time, but 15 minutes later he was up again. I went to check on him that time and found him sitting up covered in tears and snot. Poor guy couldn't breathe out of his nose.

We tried every thing to get him back to sleep from 11:30-3. I gave him water, milk, tylenol, saline nose spray, a snack, and lots of cuddles plus a little baby first tv - which was one of the few things that calmed him down. At 2:45, I gave up knowing I had to go to work the next day and put him in his bed. He fell asleep within 5 minutes of talking to himself.

Milestones this month:

  • weaned from the bottle
  • switched from formula to whole milk
  • working on graduating from nipple sippy cups to hard sippy cups
  • started climbing on furniture...
  • I've cut his hair twice since Jan. 10 so it's pretty short now
  • he knows how to ride on his "car" 


Brain dump

It's Sunday night. I'm flipping back and forth between the Oscars and my recorded shows (Biggest Loser and Smash). Some thoughts:

  • We are out of steel cut oats. We buy them from Amazon in bulk and are expecting our next shipment any day now.
  • That means I don't have breakfast ready for work tomorrow. Chobani it is.
  • In my kitchen right now: cake, brownies, chocolate. It all needs to be gone asap and I'm not going to eat any more of it.
  • I can feel my throat starting to get scratchy and I don't like it.
  • Our laptop keypad drives me bonkers because the heel of my hand continually hits it and moves the cursor somewhere else while I'm typing a sentence. This laptop has windows 8 and I CANNOT find the checkbox to turn off the stupid touchpad. I have spent at least 20 minutes searching... so frustrating.
  • The boy got a ball pit for a belated birthday present this weekend. It might be the best thing ever for a 1 year old. He is a static-y giggle-y monster in that thing. I love seeing him so happy. 
  • He stayed the night last night at my sister's house. I swear he looked bigger when I picked him up this morning. How is that possible?


You spin me right round

I went to spinning for the first time in about a year and a half yesterday. I want to tell you that it was awesome. I want to tell you that I had fun in class and that I can't wait to go back. That's how I used to feel about spinning. But yesterday was terrible - mostly because of the instructor. She was an older woman who did not really motivate me. She didn't yell or keep with the beat of the song - two things I like to have happen to motivate me to move it, move it. For example, she says let's do a slow climb and then plays Bulletproof. So we are pedaling super slow with lots of "gears" on while this upbeat pop song is playing. It was driving me bonkers.

So, I'm not sure if I'll go back. If I do, I'm going to ignore her craziness and just ride how I want.

I also went to 6am yoga (6am seems to work the best for me to be able to work out consistently, so I have limited choices as far as classes go) which I loved. I'm definitely going back to that, but it's already canceled for tomorrow due to the snow we are supposed to get.

Wednesday weigh in:
Today's weight: 214.2
Last week: 214.8
Goal: 175

I'm my most unhealthy.

Every year, my work offers a free mini health screening where employees can get their health metrics checked. They do a finger prick and get enough blood for cholesterol, glucose and a few other numbers. Last year, I was about to give birth when I went, so we'll ignore those numbers. I went to get my finger pricked today.

Compared to 2011 data, my weight is up almost 25 lbs, my cholesterol went from 111 to 155 (which is still well below the recommended number) and my glucose is up to 104 from 80 (but I did eat right before I went today and fasted in 2011).

They also do a BMI and hip-to-waist ratio to help you look for other ways to be depressed. ;)

My BMI used to be borderline green-yellow. Today, I was in the red at 30. My ratio is still pretty good, but that's because of my shape. My hips have gained 8 inches since 2011. EIGHT. I'll let that sink in.


Early 2013 weight: 220.4
Today, I weighed 214.6 - so almost 6lbs down, 24 more to go.

Wednesday weigh in

Yikes. This is not good, folks. Although, I'm a liar if I tell you it's unexpected. We had my son's first birthday party, with everything that comes with that, including leftover cake.

I did get the cake/cupcakes out of the house asap, but then they were sitting in my office.

So, I weighed 216.8 today. I think I need to start tracking. That's the only way.


Pinterest one year project

I've been planning on doing something like this all year, and I think it turned out pretty cute. I am not quite as organized as Sherry from Young House Love with all the fabric and natural light, so this is my version of taking a photo every month for the first year.

I just grabbed a piece of scrap wood from the garage, sanded it and painted it with chalkboard paint. Then I used double stick tape to adhere the ribbon going across. A friend gave me some already-painted-silver teeeny tiny clothes pins. I hung one photo from each month and wrote next to it with chalk. Voila.

Originally, the version I saw on pinterest had a block of painted wood with the ribbons hanging down, but I knew I wouldn't have anywhere to hang said piece of wood at both birthday parties we hosted, so I opted for something I could just prop up - shown here on our mantle at home (hence the photos/art behind it).


Thursday Weigh In

Apparently I only care enough to post once I week. I write so many posts in my head, but I never seem to feel the urge to type them out when I actually have the time - usually after 9 p.m., which is also my clean-the-house time, read-a-book time and watch-tv time. Also, get-ready-for-the-next-day time. So usually, blogging doesn't make the cut in the one hour or less that is allotted to all of those things.

Wednesday weigh in from yesterday:
Today's weight: 214.8
Last week: 212.6
Total lbs lost this year: 5.4
Goal: 175

I'm really not surprised by these results. I'm back to my normal self, so I'd rather be able to eat food and keep it down than keep losing 5lbs a week. 

In other news, I went to see my neurosurgeon today. I finally FINALLY have his blessing to pick up the baby - I started doing that two weeks ago when the hubs went to the hospital. I can also work out and do whatever I want as far as that goes - even yoga. So, everyone say it with me: YAY!! 

Maybe now, life can morph into a new "normal" for our family. One without a constant illness or ailment weighing us down.

Maybe that bug was worth it?

Wednesday Weigh In (or is it weigh-in? I'm not really sure, but I'm thinking no hyphen):
Today's weight: 212.6
Last week: 217.6
Total lbs lost this year: 7.8
Goal: 175

That's the good news. I lost 5lbs in a week because of that stupid stomach bug. I was debating with my mom tonight that it might have been worth it. She says she'd rather have that 5lbs and be healthy. That's because the bad news is I passed the bug to her and to the hubs - as if he needs something else to deal with.  We are just waiting for the baby to get it too. 


A week later...

I was really hoping 2013 was going to be just a bit better than 2012, but apparently things are not going to be better. Things are going to be worse.

Since I last posted, the hubs was admitted to the hospital for 2.5 days and they still don't know exactly what caused him to have such an extreme case of vertigo. They are thinking it's an inner ear virus, but we won't really know unless it comes back. He's still struggling one week later with blurry vision and headaches.

So, we have that going on. And then I got a stomach virus. Luckily, my mom had moved in to take care of the baby during the day because I started getting sick in the middle of the night the same night the baby decided to scream from 3-6 a.m. I do not do well with anyone throwing up, much less myself. I made it all the way through pregnancy and all-day-sickness without throwing up. In fact, I made it from 2004-2013 without any pukes. I just hate it and pretty much refuse to do it, but I didn't really have a choice the other night.

With all of this, I completely forgot to weigh in today. Hopefully all this bad will give me a good number on the scale.

Wednesday weigh-in

The hubs is at home experiencing some sort of dizziness/vertigo/vomit episode. If you have been around me in the last few years, you know how I am afraid of vomit, so I'm staying at my parents for the night with the babe.

I did manage to weigh in at home this morning though. I'm not super proud of the number, but I'm not ashamed either. I'll take a little loss every week!

Today's weight: 217.6
Last week: 218.4
Total lbs lost this year: 2.8
Goal: 175


Tuesday list

  1. The fruit oats are pretty awesome. They are definitely sweeter than my pumpkin oats,but I think that's because of the natural sugars in the fruit.
  2. I'm in love with my Very Berry White tea from teavana (thanks Grandma!)
  3. I did a "mini workout" on Saturday that made me feel like a semi-normal human being. I walked 2 miles and did some squats and ab work. Not too much because I don't have clearance from my surgeon yet, but I am feeling very little pain these days, so I think I'm okay.
  4. After my workout, I was going to get a pedicure with a friend. It was 60 degrees outside and I was hot from working out, so I wore flip flops and capri pants. By the time the pedi was over 3 hours later, it was about 35 degrees and raining. I was SO cold.
  5. Speaking of that, I see the neurosurgeon again on Jan. 30 and I'm really hoping that will be the last time I see him for a while (even though he's pretty easy to look at)
  6. We are planning two first birthday parties for this weekend, so I'm starting to get a little nervous and into "party mode." Knowing 20 people are going to come to my house always makes me hate this house. It just wasn't built with an open floor plan to entertain,  and the galley kitchen is too small.
How's that for random?


Steel cut oats with fruit

I just searched online for a recipe with steel cut oats baked with fruit. I could find several with apples, but I couldn't find exactly what I was looking for. So, I decided to make it up myself. I know a lot of people feel comfortable doing that, but in my world a recipe is required. I do not do things on a whim in the kitchen unless it's an omelet or on a tortilla.

Since I just made it up, I want to document it in case it's super amazing.

2 cups milk (I might use all water next time to cut out the calories)
4 cups water
2 cups steel cut oats
-cook this in one pot

1 T butter
1 cup sliced apple (one large fugi)
1/4 cup diced dried apricots (or whatever you have on hand)
1/2 cup raisins
1/2 cup brown sugar
-cook this in another pot

combine when it's all cooked and add:


Wednesday weigh in

One of my favorite bloggers to read for inspiration is Roni’s Weigh. I like her style, for both workout/healthy eating ideas but also just for the way she lives her life. She focuses on her family and works hard at the same time. As a new mom I’m struggling with how do I make time to do a good job at work, keep the house clean, be a good wife and find time to be a mother to my son. Usually, at least one of those things has to give.

Anyway, she weighs in on Wednesdays and I was weighing in with her, but obviously slacked during the holidays as I’m sure many did. Now, I’m back in. And weighing in here too.

This morning’s weight: 218.4. That’s down 2lbs from last week. While I’m excited about that, I do NOT expect it every week. 

Also, I love the date bars, but the hubs has yet to try them.


Dates... the edible kind

We've had a membership to Sam's Club for a while now. We usually buy the necessities there - such as diapers, kleenex, TP, baby wipes, etc. I do think they occasionally have a really good deal on some food items - such as nuts, drietd fruits and fresh foods like spinach and apples. We also get our milk and half and half there. I started keeping a notebook of grocery item prices back when the hubs lost his job, so I can tell you where the cheapest item is in our area if we buy it often.

Right before Christmas, I decided to make some at-home lara bars, which are basically cashews and dates put in a food processor. So, now I have a bag full of dates. The cashews are long gone. Today, I made some date bars (link here) that are basically dates, almonds, oats, water. They are also vegan, but I don't care about that.

They have to chill for several hours, so I'll let you know how they taste soon. The true test will be whether or not the hubs eats one.


One year postpartum

(This is my belly - taken at work for a publication I was working on sometime in January 2012. We couldn't find a stock image we liked, so we got some hands and my belly for the "perfect" shot)

(This was maybe 4pm, 1.26.12. My water broke at 2am, 1.28.12)

Even though it hasn't quite been an entire year, I am already looking forward to the baby's first birthday party. I thought it might be a good time to post my one-year thoughts before I forget them!

  • As far as my weight is concerned, I weighed 247 the week I gave birth (at 38wks) and had made it down to 212 about a month ago, but yesterday weighed in at 220.4 - YIKES HOLIDAYS!! My pants barely fit - most of them are still too small to zip so I rotate in my "fat pants" every week at work. I have three pairs of jeans that fit - all of which are one or two sized larger than I used to wear. However, after going though the pain (physically and mentally) I've gone through this year, I'm trying to cut myself some slack in this department. I am refocusing for 2013 though. We do eventually want to have another child and I certainly do not want to start pregnancy at this weight. 
  • I still have the plantar fasciitis that developed in my left heel in October 2011. It comes and goes depending on the amount of pain in my back - isn't it crazy the way your body works? I always know my back pain is diminishing when my foot starts to hurt in the mornings. 
  • I struggle with mommy guilt while I'm at work a little bit, but I have some comfort knowing my son is being raised by his father instead of a stranger at a day care facility. I cherish the time I get to spend with both of them on the weekends. 
  • As far as the rest of my body is concerned - I'm flabbier than ever. I mean, it's pretty terrible. I haven't been able to lift a weight so even my arms and legs are just gross. I'm not really sure where to start when it comes to my chest - it's the worst part.
  • Emotionally, combine a first child with a mother who cannot care for the baby and you have a recipe for a strained marriage. I'm not going to lie. This has been a hard year for the both of us. Really hard. But, we are committed to each other and I hope we are on our way to another peak and past this valley.